2299 Mission ~ WEBSITE ~ (415) 285-0323

9:00pm Saturday 31 March 2007

Prologue: In keeping with my new paradigm of visiting Bars when they are likely to be “happening”, I am moseying back to the Mission to check out Beauty Bar when the manager, Shane, assured me the joint would be jumping, so to speak. I’ve had the two free drink tokens Shane gave me the night I met him at Arrow burning a hole in my coin purse all this time, and I feel like cutting loose and shaking my ass to some pfunky phresh beats, so let’s hope DJ Omar is up to snuff.

Shane said Saturdays at 10:00 pm are pretty popular, so I’m going to try and sneak in before things get too crazy. But, party animal that I am (ha-ha), I’m committed to staying at least until 10:30, and if I’m having a blast, I’ll be there even later. Shane also warned me that some thefts have occurred here, so don’t bring big purses and keep your wits about you — you’ve been warned!

Now, I’ve been to the Beauty Bar in L.A., and I have to tell you, I didn’t get the whole manicure gimmick. The L.A. location also did henna tattoos, which was fun, but no dice at the San Francisco spot. So I’m going there to dance, and to drink (although not necessarily in that order). But I will be happy to consult with you on nail polish hue selection, should you find yourself too tipsy to decide.

Afterword: OK, I still don’t get the manicure thing. I even saw someone having her nails done, and I was truly puzzled as to why. But I was on my second huge and 100% strong drink, so I didn’t actually care. (Sorry to report that I don’t even know how much the drink cost because the first round was free and Paladin was paying thereafter. I can tell you that it’s worth whatever they are charging because the alcohol is definitely not diluted.) It did strike me, though, that as long as they are going to have old-fashioned hair-drying chairs strewn about, they might as well offer blow-drying. I would totally pay to have someone else blow dry my hair because when I do it myself, I have to keep setting down my drink.

Anyway, Beauty Bar is the least place I am likely to have my nails done, but it is a pretty fun Bar. I timed my visit perfectly: I was there in time to snag a stool and right at 10:00, just like Shane said, there was a noticeable surge in the clientele, most of whom seemed to be in sizeable groups, and taking pictures of themselves with paparazzian panache (which makes it even more unbelieveable that Paladin and I forgot to get a picture of me in front with the sign!).

The doorman (says he) cards everyone, so you will feel young and cute from the get-go. Our bartender was Zak, who is pretty hot in a very heroin-chic sort of way. And Shari from Arrow was there, too — filling in on her night off, broken collar-bone notwithstanding (the girl’s dedication to bartending is really inspirational). And not only does Beauty Bar have hooks, it has hooks illuminated by strings of Christmas lights, which I think is a particularly nice touch. DJ Omar was doing his thing in the back, and doing it well, because no one was standing still (even before anyone got motivated to actually dance).

Paladin decided he needed to eat, and I think in retrospect, I should have joined him, but Jonny-Georgia and his sexy southern drawl showed up to distract me from the disastrous consequences of drinking on an empty stomach. What can I say? Dancing is more fun than eating. (To say nothing of dancing with Jonny-Georgia, ahem.) Never did find out how Beauty Bar feels about dogs, but I think dogs would be even more incongruous than the manicure stations (or people who try to eat there, judging from the looks Paladin and his burrito garnered).

Alas, I had to head to the Spectra Ball (which, as it turned out, I was already too tipsy to tolerate) so I made like Cinderella, only instead of losing a glass slipper I forgot to insist on a souvenir photo (all the more incomprehensible because there is a frickin’ photo booth inside the damn bar itself!). While the rest of the night is apparently destined to remain a bit of a blur, I’m happy to report that I do remember having a rockin’ good time at Beauty Bar. (And Shane, if you are reading this, if I could have had my hair blown dry at Beauty Bar, I would have had time to eat something before heading out of the house! How about it?)

Bathroom Biography:
I feel certain that I made a point of checking out the restroom situation. Only I can’t recall any details of the inspection. In fact, I can’t say for sure that I even ever did make it back there. But they have to have restrooms, right? Bottom line: why don’t you go and tell me?